


the trials of finding your place in the world

by orphan_account



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Force-Sensitive Finn (Star Wars), Gen, Growing Up, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Movie: Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Movie: Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Pre-Canon, Team as Family, just to let you know this is not a kylo ren redemption story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:41:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23694073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: rey, finn, and poe learn what family means by living through the war and learning to fight for justice throughout the galaxy
Relationships: Poe Dameron & Finn, Poe Dameron & Finn & Rey, Poe Dameron/Finn
Comments: 1
Kudos: 15





	1. before

**Author's Note:**

> this is a mix-and-match of the canon and some elements that aren’t canon and i chose to not include the canon from “before the awakening” for thematic purposes.

Spring is different for everybody. For those who have the privilege of living a comfortable life in a galaxy fraught with political tension, spring represents a fresh start, a chance to change. For others, spring is the time to enjoy the blossoming plants and the beauty of young nature on their planets while hoping that the upcoming year would be as peaceful as nature during spring. To Poe, spring meant all of the above, but spring also meant that his close friend, Ben, would visit. 

One year, during spring, Poe kept himself entertained while eagerly waiting for Ben to arrive on Yavin IV with Han and Leia by walking through the forest and searching for a stick that looked like a lightsaber because what else were kids supposed to do in forests?

Poe noticed a fallen branch lying on the forest floor and picked it up, brightening when he realized it perfectly resembled the shape of a lightsaber. He brandished the stick at the trunk of a tree and shouted, “The Rebel Alliance will not be intimidated by you!”

The tree, as one might have expected, did not respond to Poe’s statement. Despite the tree’s silence, Poe began waving his stick around and making lightsaber sounds with his mouth as if he were sparring in a lightsaber battle. His parents told him stories of brave Jedi, like Luke Skywalker, and he grew up wishing he could one day be like them. Sadly, Poe had learned that he didn’t have a connection to the force at a young age so that dream would never be a reality; but at least he could still play pretend.

“Poe! Ben is here!” 

Upon hearing his mother’s words ring through the forest, Poe immediately dropped his stick and sprinted out of the forest, the trees flying past him as he ran. He reached the clearing where his house was and saw his parents, Han and Leia, and Ben standing in front of the front door. While Han and Leia were talking to Shara and Kes, Ben glanced around, looking for Poe. 

Poe snuck up behind Ben and ecstatically tackled him with a hug. Ben yelped in surprise as the adults laughed at Poe’s childish behavior, and he gave into the contagious joy as he hugged Poe back. 

“Hi Leia! Hi Han! Me and Ben are going to go now. Bye!” Poe grabbed Ben’s hand and led him away, both giggling with excitement. The adults watched them scurry off into the distant fields with adoring smiles, glad to see their children getting along.

Leading Ben deeper into a grassy field, Poe started running out of breath so he paused, dropping Ben’s hand so he could place both hands on his knees and steady himself. Although he was out of breath as well, Ben managed to laugh and fell back onto the grassy field. The fresh green grass was so soft that his back landed with a barely audible thud. 

Poe joined him on the grass and as he lay on the grass, he watched clouds calmly drift across the blue sky. If he looked hard enough, he could see the outlines of planets and moons in the sky too.

“I always miss you when you’re not here, Ben,” Poe admitted without any shame. He didn’t mind sharing his feelings with Ben because Poe knew Ben so well that there was nothing to hide from him. Also, like Poe’s parents always said, Poe had a habit of sharing everything that was on his mind and speaking the truth, which was both a good trait and a bad one. 

“I won’t be coming back for a while,” Ben remarked bitterly, seeming more upset than angry. He sighed deeply and Poe wondered what could possibly be the cause of this.

“Why? You come every spring. What’s going to be different next year?”

“My parents are sending me away to Uncle Luke’s Jedi Academy.” Ben sighed again, reminding Poe of one of the grumpy old people who cast him annoyed glares whenever he was playing with his friends at the market. 

When Poe heard the words “Jedi Academy”, he gasped, “Why are you upset? That’s amazing! You’re going to have so much fun!”

“I guess. I just don’t really want to leave everything behind to become a Jedi, as cool as it sounds.” Ben stared up at the sky, avoiding Poe’s eyes. Clouds continued to float across the sky peacefully, unbothered by everything happening on the planet. 

Poe sat up and stared at Ben with confusion. “But you get a chance to explore the galaxy. Aren’t you tired of staying in one place? Once you become a Jedi, you can go anywhere you want!” 

“I guess. You’re right. It won’t be too bad,” Ben conceded, still sounding somewhat unconvinced. Poe was wise enough to figure out that Ben wasn’t going to be convinced easily. It was in Ben’s nature to be stubborn and nobody had been able to get him to change his mind.

Laying down on the grass again, Poe rested his hands behind his head. “You’re lucky your parents are sending you to the Jedi Academy so early. I have to wait three more years before I’m allowed to go to the New Republic Academy.” 

“Why do you want to go so bad?” Ben plucked a blade of grass from the ground and absent-mindedly twisted it between his thumb and index finger. 

“I want to explore the galaxy. I want to fly and see the stars outside the window of a spaceship. I want to fight for justice. Most importantly, I want to live.” A dreamy but determined expression crossed Poe’s face as he broke into a small smile.

“You’re too ambitious for your own good,” Ben said teasingly. He was much more cynical than Poe but Poe never let Ben’s frankness put a damper on his dreams.

“I know, but I can’t wait to finally have the chance to go on real adventures,” Poe grinned at the sky, knowing he would be soaring next to the stars one day. If he couldn’t be a Jedi, at least he could explore the galaxy by being a pilot, which was equally as cool. He brought himself back to reality and nudged Ben to get the boy’s attention. “I’m going to miss seeing you every spring.”

“I’m going to miss you too. Things won’t change after I’m gone, right?” Ben managed a wobbly smile that poorly disguised his worry.

Poe shook his head and firmly reassured Ben, “Things won’t change. No matter what happens, we’re always going to have each other.”

The anxiousness melted away from Ben’s smile as he brightened upon hearing Poe’s words. “Really? We can stay friends?”

“Of course!” Poe beamed back. There was hope burning in Poe’s heart that would disappear in a few years once he learned that he was so naive to believe he knew what the future held. But, in the moment, that flame of hope burned brighter than ever as Poe repeated, “We’re always going to have each other.”

-

Rey hated Jakku. She had only been on the horrible planet for an hour at the most, but she already despised the irritating sand and insufferable heat. 

“I want my mom and dad back!” Rey shouted, her voice hoarse from yelling. She was getting tired from resisting the grip of Unkur Plutt, the alien whom her parents had left her with. Unkur Plutt was not amused by her defiance and continued to drag her by the arm. When Rey noticed that they were approaching the Niima Outpost, she realized that this was her last chance to get back to her parents. 

Thrashing under the alien’s grip, Rey protested as loudly as she could, “Let me go! I want my parents!” 

“Be quiet! If you don’t shut your mouth, you’ll be served as a meal to the scavengers,” Unkur Plutt growled, yanking her arm to drag her forward with more force than necessary.

“Hey, Unkur Plutt! New blood?” An unfamiliar voice drifted through the hot air. Rey twisted around to see a speeder approaching. Sitting on the speeder was a Squamatan wearing goggles and a helmet. She slowed the speeder down as she approached Unkur and Rey. The Squamatan took off her goggles to reveal her reptilian eyes and smoothly slid off the shiny speeder that was still suspended in midair. Her scaly blue skin peeked out from the slits in her sleeves and her plain brown outfit coated in sand and scratches conveyed that she wasn’t the type to sit around all day.

“Tu’lei, where did you get that new speeder?” Unkur Plutt sounded intrigued. Rey stopped struggling under Plutt’s grip and stared at the Squamatan who seemed relatively nonchalant about bringing a new speeder to the alien trader. 

“Quenten fought a passing bounty hunter for it. He died getting this so I’m in need of a new scavenger,” Tu’lei tilts her head to one side as she gave Rey a once-over. After a beat, Tu’lei offered, “I know you want the speeder so how about this: I’ll trade you the speeder for the girl.”

Unkur Plutt pulled Rey closer to him defensively and growled, “Why don’t you trade the speeder for some portions? That speeder is worth at least three months of portions.”

“Tempting but I would much rather have an extra pair of hands to help out,” Tu’lei firmly states. She saw the wheels turning in Plutt’s head while he weighed the benefits and losses of the deal. Rey’s eyes met Tu’lei’s and Tu’lei winked, clearly trying to ease Rey’s nerves. Tu’lei raised her voice a little and strained patience crept into her voice. “This is a time-sensitive offer. I can’t stand here waiting all day for you to make up your mind.” 

“Fine! You drive a hard bargain. Take her and hand over the speeder,” Unkur Plutt grumbled. He let go of Rey and Tu’lei tossed him the keys to the speeder. Rey would have bolted right then and there if she wasn’t so fascinated by Tu’lei. She had heard of Squamatan before but she had never met one.

Rey waded through the sand to reach Tu’lei, who kneeled down so Rey didn’t have to look up to talk to her. When the Squamatan spoke, her voice was softer and kinder than it was when she was bargaining with Unkur. “Hey kid, why are you here?”

“My parents left me here. I want them back,” Rey pouted, still extremely upset. Realization dawned on Tu’lei and her expression changed from one of concern to one of sympathy.

“I’m sure they’ll come back for you soon. In the meantime, do you want to get some food? You must be starving.” Tu’lei stood up, offering a hand to Rey. Rey nodded and carefully took Tu’lei’s hand. As Tu’lei guided Rey through the sandy dunes of Jakku, Tu’lei continued the conversation.

“What’s your name? I’m Tu’lei but you probably already knew from Plutt.” 

“My name is Rey. How long do you think I’ll be here for?” Rey glanced down at the sand, wondering how it was possible for a planet to have so much sand. When Rey glanced up at Tu’lei, she noticed that the alien had a guarded look. 

Her blue lips were pressed in a thin line before she spoke, “I’m not sure. I know some people who’ve been here for a long time, but if you’re lucky, you get out of here in two years.”

“Why haven’t you left yet? Are you waiting for your family to come back for you too?” Rey looked up again with innocence in her hazel eyes. Tu’lei gulped and turned her eyes away from the girl.

“I’ve been here for twelve years. My family is dead and I’m the last of my species left. I don’t have anywhere to go.” As Tu’lei and Rey walked closer to Tu’lei pointed it out the remains of what looks like a fallen walker. “That’s where I stay and I guess that’s where you’ll be staying with too, now.” 

“Until my parents come back?” Rey sounded too hopeful for Tu’lei’s liking but Tu’lei still forced a grin and nodded before leading Rey into the walker. 

Over the next few days, Rey got used to the bland taste of portions, which she initially refused to eat, and quickly adapted to the scavenger lifestyle. Tu’lei brought Rey to the site of the Starship Graveyard and taught her how to salvage parts of the fallen ships. Rey learned that her small size allowed her to fit into tight spaces to find parts that were small but very valuable. She figured out how to clean the parts by watching other scavengers do so at Niima Outpost. 

Once, Rey found a pilot’s helmet on her way to the Starship Graveyard and Tu’lei allowed her to keep it, claiming they couldn’t trade it in for portions even though Rey knew that they could. This was one of the many instances that Tu’lei showed her kinder side. Tu’lei demanded a lot from Rey in terms of scavenging but she still treated Rey like a younger sister. She showed Rey how to keep track of the days by marking lines on the wall and let Rey hold onto hope that her family would come back for her. 

Rey enjoyed Tu’lei’s company because although she was stuck in a bad situation, Tulei still took good care of her. Sadly, as always, when Rey’s life was going well, something had to go wrong. 

A month after Tu’lei took Rey in, Tu’lei sent Rey to the Starship Graveyard to find parts, as usual, and Rey returned to the walker, expecting to find Tu’lei waiting for her. Tu’lei was not in the walker, which Rey found strange, but Rey figured Tu’lei was probably quarreling with some scavengers over who had rights to a new scavenging site so she went to Niima Outpost and traded the parts in for portions.

Even after Rey returned to the walker and ate dinner, Tu’lei was still missing. Rey continued with her daily routine of scavenging and trading for the following days in the Tu’lei’s absence and at the end of the second week, Rey had heard several theories about what had happened to Tu’lei, the most popular one being that she tried to fight some bounty hunters for their speeders and got shot.

It took Rey a month to accept that she would never know what happened to Tu’lei. She tried to find Tu’lei’s body but never succeeded. Maybe Tu’lei was alive, somewhere in the galaxy. Maybe she escaped from Jakku and found out she wasn’t the last of her species. Maybe she did end up getting shot by bounty hunters while fighting for a new speeder. But no matter what happened to her, to Rey, Tu’lei was gone forever.

-

Growing up in the First Order was terrible, which didn’t come as a surprise considering how oppressive their regime was, and Finn was one of many who had to learn that from personal experience. He grew up training to be a stormtrooper and before he was called Finn, his name was FN-2187. Every other stormtrooper had their names and lives stolen from them and had numbers and harsh instruction forced on them at a young age so Finn’s situation was not uncommon. 

Finn also learned that questions were frowned upon in the First Order. During the first few weeks of stormtrooper training, Finn allowed his curiosity to run wild. He wanted to know where he was, where his family was, why he and the other kids were being forced to learn how to shoot at such a young age, and more. However, Finn only asked two questions before he was threatened with reconditioning by the captain so he quickly learned to keep his questions to himself.

Finn wasn’t the only one who had questions; most of the other kids wanted to know the answers to the same questions he had because, without knowledge of their pasts, stormtroopers felt like nobodies, which was what the First Order wanted them to think. At one point, there was one person who crossed the line and served as an example to those who didn’t take the captain’s warnings about asking questions seriously.

One day, Finn and the other kids were listening to an instructor teach them how to properly submit their blaster for inspection when a girl raised her hand. The instructor paused in mid-explanation to call on her, looking mildly annoyed. 

“Why do we have to learn all this? We didn’t choose to be stormtroopers and I don’t want to shoot people,” complained the girl. All eyes turned towards her and a murmur of agreement spread through the crowd. Finn agreed with the girl; he didn’t understand why a group of kids had to train to be a stormtrooper at such a young age.

“You all were saved by the First Order and in return, you must learn to fight for us,” The instructor answered through gritted teeth, visibly uncomfortable. The girl didn’t recognize that red flag and persisted.

“But that doesn’t make sense. If the First Order rescued us, that means they are good. So why are we being taught to do bad things for them?” The girl sounded more insistent and the more insistent she grew, the angrier the instructor became. At this point, the instructor almost seemed to be pushed to his limit. 

“You are not being taught to do bad things. You are being taught to help the First Order restore order in the galaxy,” The instructor replied firmly, his hands balling up into fists at his side. 

“How is learning how to shoot people a good thing?”

“Send the people up to take FN-2764 to reconditioning.” Everybody gasped, including the girl who only then realized that she had stepped too far over the boundary. In a mere few seconds, three people came and two held FN-2674 by her arms. She struggled in their grasp and screamed in protest but in the end, she was still dragged away against her will. Once the girl’s screams could no longer be heard, the instructor continued with the lesson as if nothing had happened. 

Later that night, in the barracks, Finn laid on his bunk still awake in the middle of the night. He rolled over and stared at the darkness, willing himself to stop thinking about what the girl had said, but he was too disturbed by the scarring event to fall asleep. 

“Hey FN-2187, are you up?” Finn’s bunkmate, FN-2071, whispered from his position on the bottom bunk. 

“Yeah. I can’t sleep,” Finn answered, leaning closer to the edge of his bed so he could speak with 2071 more easily. He didn’t want to lean over the side of his bed and try to see FN-2071’s 

“Me too. I feel like the girl was right. It feels like we’re learning how to hurt people instead of helping them,” FN-2071 sighed, sounding conflicted. 

“Also, the point she made about the First Order rescued us, why haven’t they let us go back to our families?”

Blankets rustled as FN-2071 shifted on his bunk below. “I heard that the First Order will let the best stormtroopers return to their families after training.” 

“Really?” Finn hated the hope that crept into his voice. If he was going to be a stormtrooper, he couldn’t afford to reveal any emotion. But maybe, at the moment, it was fine to allow some emotion to show because Finn felt as if he was talking to another human rather than speaking to a stormtrooper. 

“Yep. That’s why I’m doing my best to succeed. I’m going to try to get some sleep now,” murmured FN-2071 sleepily. “Good night, FN-2187,”

“Good night,” Finn responded, his voice equally hushed. He heard FN-2071’s breathing pace slow to that of a sleeping person and stared at the ceiling, trying to fall asleep by finding patterns in the shadows. 

If what 2071 had heard was true, then Finn had a chance of finding his family and his real name. He never remembered having anybody love him before and he was willing to do anything to find people who do. Finn was determined to train and fight as hard as possible if it meant he could find his family and with that sort of determination, rarely does one fail.


	2. the war

_The Resistance will not be intimidated by you._

Poe repeated the phrase in his head over and over again, both in his head and aloud. The First Order had captured him but he was going to fight against them with every last ounce of his strength. During the past few hours, Poe had endured so many methods of torture that he lost track of how many times he felt pain tearing through his body, scratching and biting away at his resolve. He was not going to give up after how close he was to finishing his mission and he was not willing to crumble under the First Order’s bullying. The Resistance was far more important than any pain that he had to endure.

The moment the door to his cell opened and a masked man walked in was when a sinking feeling settled in Poe’s stomach. He knew this was the monster who ordered the slaughter of an entire village for no reason and Poe refused to show any fear to somebody who thrived off the pain of others. Kylo could feel Poe’s defiant glare but Poe could sense that Kylo had a mocking smile hidden under his ugly black mask.

_The Resistance will not be intimidated by you._

Poe gripped onto reality as he felt Kylo reach into his mind. He knew what was coming and braced himself mentally, putting up a wall against Kylo’s invasive reach but Kylo was too powerful and broke through. 

Pain seared through his head and attacked every cell in his body. He felt as though there was a demon inside his chest, roaring and tearing him apart from the inside. Poe had been shot, stabbed, and faced with every form of physical torture one could imagine but nothing could compare to the pain the dark side of the Force caused. Poe was losing his grip on reality but he couldn’t even move his lips to form words of courage as his entire body was paralyzed. He could do nothing but endure agony as it continued to dig its sharp claws into his soft flesh.

Then, amid the torturous pain, a wave of calm washed over Poe. His eyes fluttered shut as a familiar scene played in his head. Young Poe was standing in the woods of Yavin IV and he was sparring with Ben Solo with a stick. Both boys were giggling while they made lightsaber noises with their voices. Poe had a feeling that this memory was not supposed to be brought into his mind as the calm interlude seemed oddly placed in the hurricane of torture.

When Ben knocked Poe down by poking him in the side with his stick, Poe laughed, dropping his stick as he fell down and pretended to die. Ben stood over Poe’s fallen body with a wicked grin on his face. Suddenly, Ben’s face was covered with Kylo Ren’s mask and the harmless stick in his hands morphed into Ren’s red lightsaber. Gasping in shock, Poe tried to escape but he couldn’t move out of the way before Kylo plunged his lightsaber into Poe’s chest.

The searing pain returned as thousands of memories flashed past Poe until there was only surrounding him. Poe was barely conscious but he knew that Kylo had found his memory of handing BB-8 the map on Jakku. As his eyes flew open again, Poe realized who was behind Kylo Ren’s mask, and shock overwhelmed him like waves crashing against jagged rocks in the ocean. 

Ben Solo, who used to be the closest person Poe could call a brother, was the monster that ordered the executions of millions without a second thought. He had transformed into the creature that invaded Poe’s mind and searched his memories without any remorse, as if Poe meant nothing to him and Kylo had forgotten all those years they spent together playing pretend on Yavin IV.

If Kylo noted Poe’s realization, he didn’t react. He left Poe and brushed past the two stormtroopers guarding the door without looking back. Still holding onto the edge of consciousness, Poe willed himself to calm down as his breath quickened, a sign that he was on the verge of getting overwhelmed by panic. Between Poe’s shaky breaths, Poe’s mind spun with worry. Now that the First Order knew the location of the map, the Resistance and Luke Skywalker were in danger. He needed to escape from wherever he was.

That day, as horrible as it had been going, must have been Poe’s lucky day because he was rescued by a valiant stormtrooper, who would become one of Poe’s closest companions, just as he was about to give up. Poe tried not to seem shaken during his rescue although a million thoughts were buzzing in his head. Only when Poe returned to the base after destroying the Starkiller Base did he allow himself to collect his thoughts. 

In his quarter’s bathroom, Poe stood in front of the mirror placed above the sink. He ran his hands through his disheveled curls as he stared at his reflection, searching for any marks or scars on his face from his mission. Poe’s eyes landed on the small scar on his cheek left from the torture he endured from the First Order, and as he lifted his hand to touch the scar, Poe winced despite there being no pain from the contact. He dropped his hand onto the side of the sink with a heavy sigh and lowered his eyes.

The difficult truth that Poe had come to realize was that Ben Solo never existed. During all those years that Poe had spent with him, Kylo Ren was hidden under the false appearance of an innocent boy and only manifested and grew stronger as the boy grew older. As Poe raised his eyes again to meet the ones in his reflection, he decided that he wasn’t going to waste any time on mourning somebody who was his imagination’s creation. Finally, Poe accepted that the boy he thought he knew was gone forever. 

-

If Luke was awake, he would have scoffed at Rey. Rey was up in the dead of night, running through her training drills despite having practiced them for hours during the day. She held the glowing lightsaber out, pointing it towards the pile of rocks carefully stacked and balanced on the edge of the jagged cliff. The low hum of the lightsaber was barely audible because of the loud waves crashing against the cliffs. 

Rey closed her eyes, breathing in and out evenly before she began twirling her lightsaber. She had grown used to the amount of control she needed to guide the lightsaber and kept her eyes shut as she practiced, listening to the sound of the beam slice through the air. 

As Luke said, Rey had to rely on her senses to feel the force so she forced herself to keep her eyes shut. She continued to twirl her lightsaber despite feeling herself start to run out of breath. Finally, Rey ended the routine and opened her eyes to find that her lightsaber was positioned five inches away from the side of the pile of rocks. She groaned and turned off her lightsaber before sitting down in front of the rocks to catch her breath. For days, Rey had been trying to master the training routine to the point in which, with her eyes closed, her lightsaber could end perfectly next to the pile of rocks.

As much as Rey wanted to practice, there were other reasons why she was practicing at night and one of them was that she wanted to avoid thinking about Kylo. He was trying to convince her to give in to the dark side and she was starting to get more frustrated than scared. After what had happened the last time she met Kylo, Rey wished that he could at least give her a break before pestering her about the dark side; or even better, maybe Kylo could never talk with her again because she had to tirelessly fight against his emotionally manipulative tactics tailored to evoke sympathy and take advantage of her. 

Rey closed her eyes and began the routine again, trying to feel the energy of the Force flow through her body and guide her movements. She wanted to focus on the movement of her lightsaber but her mind kept dwelling on the past. If Rey was more prepared before she faced Kylo the first time, then she wouldn’t be constantly worried about Finn, who was back at the Resistance base covered in bags of bacta. She should have been the one to protect Finn instead of having Finn protect her and get hurt. Now, Rey spent what little free time she had worrying about returning to the Resistance to find that Finn didn’t recover from the wound, which was a worry that was powerful enough to distract her from thinking about Tu’lei, a habit that she hadn’t gotten rid of ever since leaving Jakku. 

On top of that, Rey might have been able to stop Kylo from killing Han if she had been more trained. If she did, then Leia wouldn't be mourning and Rey wouldn’t have memories of the red lightsaber impaling Han and the look of terror and disappointment in Han’s eyes as his life left his body. She wished she didn’t have to be the one to tell Luke what happened to his best friend, she wished she didn’t have to wear all these memories around her neck like a weight, and she wished she didn’t have nightmares about Kylo Ren hurting people she cared about while she helplessly watched. However, no matter how long she thought about the past, Rey couldn’t change it. She could wish all she wanted and there was no way she could heal Finn or bring Han back. 

Rey opened her eyes and saw that her lightsaber was still not close enough to the pile of rocks. She sighed in frustration, sitting down on the hard ground and letting her lightsaber, which she turned off, to fall on the ground next to her. Whenever Rey failed, she was tempted to give up and return to Jakku so she could trade parts for portions and pretend that one day, Tu’lei would come back to the walker. But Rey never had anybody to pick her up when she needed it so she learned that she had to rely on herself to persevere. 

Picking her lightsaber off the ground, Rey stood up and turned it on, breathing in and out calmly. She closed her eyes and searched for the energy in the Force as she assumed the position to begin the training routine again. Life had a habit of knocking Rey down but she was going to stand up every time because now, she was fighting for more than just herself. Every time she thought about giving up, Rey just needed to remind herself that she was fighting to find her family because maybe one, just one day, she’ll be good enough to protect them and never have to lose anybody again.

~

If you asked people what they thought the First Order excelled in, most people would say something along the lines of “creating fear in civilians in order to establish an oppressive intergalactic regime” or, more simply, “killing people”. However, if you asked Finn what he thought the First Order was good at, he would reply with “tearing families apart”, which makes sense. 

When he was a child, Finn was snatched away from his family. As a stormtrooper, Finn watched helplessly as the First Order killed parents, who were executed for committing treason, in front of their children. Now, after Finn had escaped from the First Order, the First Order had managed to separate his family again.

Rey decided to run off without asking Finn and Poe, which, understandably, made Poe angry. Then, Poe decided to argue with Finn and make the situation even worse. Finn had stormed off in his fit of frustration and as he went to search for Rey, Jannah joined him. They walked side by side in silence for a few minutes before Jannah spoke. 

“How are you doing? Hanging in there?” Jannah gave Finn a sly but comforting smile. 

“I’m doing the best I can given the circumstances,” Finn answered as he trudged through the tall grass. He felt guilty for yelling at Poe and his anger at the First Order for tearing apart his found family morphed into shame as he felt responsible for creating a rift between Rey and Poe.

Jannah miraculously seemed to have read his mind because she reassured, “You can’t blame yourself for all this. It’s not your fault. I know it’s difficult to think otherwise since the First Order kind of hammered the mindset that they can’t do anything wrong into our minds but you can’t automatically put the blame on yourself for everything that has happened.” 

At Finn’s surprised glance, Jannah chuckled at his surprise. “I’m an ex-stormtrooper too, remember? We were all trained to think a certain way.” 

In the sliver of silence after Jannah spoke, the deafening sounds of the waves crashing in the distance briefly distracted Finn. He gazed at the violent ocean that didn’t look like any of the calm oceans that he had learned about. Then again, when it came to reality, everything was more violent than he imagined.

“It’s still so weird to think about how many stormtroopers have escaped from the First Order. I always thought I was the only one but it’s really comforting knowing that there are so many people out there who share the same experience as I did,” Finn commented as he raised his head to look up at the remains of the Death Star shrouded in the formidable waves. Water attacked the debris mercilessly but Finn still ventured forward, determined to find Rey. 

“Right? We’ve all gone through the same horrible things the First Order put us through and we don’t know who our real families are.” Jannah winced, presumably reliving memories of her time in the First Order. She cleared her throat to keep down the emotion sneaking into her voice. “Some of us have done worse things than others and you don’t exactly forget about the things you’ve done when-” 

Finn gently cut her off by placing a hand on her shoulder. “Hey, don’t blame yourself. The First Order taught us to do all those horrible things. We feel guilty because they want us to, remember? We can’t let them win.”

Jannah opened her mouth to protest but Finn continued, “Whatever you did, it’s in the past. You have a chance to start over again. You aren’t a stormtrooper anymore. You’re a human.” 

Whatever Jannah was going to say seemed to dissolve on her tongue as she nodded firmly, absorbing Finn’s words. She held her head up a little higher, confidently replying, “You’re right. We’re in this together now. We have each other.” 

“That’s the spirit!” Finn patted Jannah’s shoulder one last time before walking forward. “Let’s go find Rey.” 


	3. ended

We did it. We won the war. 

Poe could hardly believe those words that echoed in his head as he wrapped his arms around Finn and Rey while squeezing his eyes shut as tight as he could, wanting to hold onto the moment for as long as he could. Poe had spent almost half of his life fighting for freedom and justice and now he finally won. The Resistance won. Nobody in the galaxy believed that the Resistance, a small rebel movement with barely any supplies and aid, would be able to defeat the First Order and put an end to their rule. 

Admittedly, there were tears falling down Poe’s cheeks as he hugged his friends a little tighter. When Poe was in the X-wing waiting for somebody to send help, he was certain that he was doomed. His heart had crumbled at the thought that he had let everybody down again like he did when he took down the destroyer during the evacuation from D’Qar. Even worse, he was the new co-general of the Resistance and it was his responsibility to make sure that he didn’t mess up the one shot they had at defeating the First Order once and for all. During the time that Poe spent on Exegol, he had this on his mind as well as the worry that he would never see his friends again. 

He knew that Rey was facing one of the most difficult challenges she would ever encounter in her entire life and that Finn was risking his life all for a chance to stop the First Order. If Poe had lost them during the battle, the burden of loss would be too difficult for him to carry, especially after Leia’s death. But Rey and Finn both survived and they were hugging Poe with a generous amount of tears in their eyes. 

Cheers and the sound of celebration rang through the air as the trio broke apart, their eyes still watery. Holding onto his friends grounded Poe but he had to let go of Rey and Finn’s hands eventually when he made his celebratory speech, which was the suggestion of his co-general, Finn. Before Poe began his speech, he turned towards Finn and asked, “Are you sure you don’t want to speak? You’re the co-general after all.” 

Finn smiled, crossing his arms comfortably as he replied, “I’m sure. You’re much smoother of a talker than I am.” 

“I have to agree with Finn. You’ve talked your way out of way too many things,” Rey joined in jokingly. Her eyes shone with a mischievous, and almost cartoonish, glint.

“I’m going to have a word with you two after I make a speech,” Poe dropped his smile and lowered his voice, acting very serious. Finn and Rey knew him too well to take him seriously and they burst into giggles as Poe struggled to fight the smile emerging on his face. He turned around and hoisted himself on top of an empty crate. 

Poe cleared his throat and conversations died down as everybody’s attention turned towards him. He grinned once he saw that everybody’s eyes were on him and began, “Hello! So, in case you didn’t know from the yelling and victory dances, we won! We defeated the First Order! Take a moment to congratulate the person to your left and to your right because each and every one of you have helped save this galaxy from evil. In fact, give yourself a pat on the back too while you’re at it because we couldn’t have done all this without the help of everybody here.” 

Chuckles rippled through the crowd as people gave each other hugs and exchanged words of appreciation. Poe had never seen the Resistance so carefree and joyous and he was glad that the looming storm cloud over the entire galaxy had dissolved, allowing everybody to feel free. Once the crowd quieted down again, Poe continued with his speech. “Even though we won today, we have all lost somebody during the war. Countless lives have been lost but it’s up to us to make sure that their sacrifices weren’t for nothing. We may have won the war but we still have a lot of work to do. It’s going to take us a long time, but for now, let’s celebrate our victory!” 

As everybody burst into applause and cheers, Poe beamed. His eyes met Finn’s and Finn looked so proud of Poe that Poe almost burst into tears of joy right then and there. 

The celebration extended into the night as people continued to share stories of their time during the war and what they wanted to do now that the war was over. The glow of the campfire that everybody gathered around illuminated their faces while the stars twinkled happily in the night sky. Finn and Rey were sitting on a log next to each other, listening to Rose vividly describe what the base was like without Finn, Poe, and Rey around when Finn noticed that Poe wasn’t sitting around the campfire along with everybody else. 

“I’ll be right back.” Finn gave a polite smile to Rose and Rey before he walked away to find his co-general. It took little effort for Finn to find Poe, who happened to be sitting outside the tent he called his quarters, which he also happened to share with Finn. 

Poe was looking up at the stars and his legs were in a criss-cross position. For a moment, Finn stood silently in the shadows of the night, watching Poe with adoration. There was a look of child-like wonder in Poe’s expression as he admired the stars that he so dearly loved. After a few seconds, Finn walked over next to Poe and sat down next to him. “Looking at the stars?” 

“Yeah. The only time that I’ve been able to take a good look at them is through the window of my X-wing,” Poe remarked playfully as his gaze shifted from the stars to Finn. “How’s everybody doing?”

“Pretty good. Why don’t you join us? Rose is sharing some hilarious stories right now,” Finn questioned without any accusation in his voice. He knew that Poe loved to socialize so he found it strange that Poe didn’t want to take part in such a grand celebration.

“I just wanted a moment to reflect. I can’t believe it’s really over.” 

“I can’t either. I mean, war has honestly been the only thing I’ve known for all my life. I have no clue what life is going to be like now,” Finn chuckled, shaking his head as he attempted to conjure an image of himself living a normal life. 

“Whatever the future holds, we’ll get through it together,” Poe placed a hand on top of Finn’s comfortingly. The mood had shifted to a more serious one and Poe bit his bottom lip, appearing to be debating with himself. Finn recognized the look of contemplation on Poe’s face and gave Poe a moment to gather his thoughts. Distant sounds of laughter filled the soothing silence that had fallen upon the co-generals. 

When Poe finally spoke again, his voice was soft and timid, which was extremely out of character for him. “Finn, I need to talk to you about something.”

“Is this about the thing I was going to tell Rey? Because I promise I’ll tell you when I’m ready I just need some time-” 

“No, it’s not about that. It’s about something else.” Finn closed his mouth, giving Poe the space to talk. He watched as Poe glanced up at the sky and blinked back tears. “I’ve been too scared to tell you this because I never knew if we were going to make it out of the war alive and now we have all the time in the world.” 

Poe looked into Finn’s eye, took a deep breath, and spoke, “I love you. I’ve loved you ever since the day I met you and I’ve kept it to myself because I’ve been so afraid of what this means. Every time we go on missions, I’m so scared of losing you because you mean so much to me. I’ve lost too many people in this war and I’ve always been afraid of losing you the most. You are the bravest, most compassionate, and most caring person I have ever known and I love you so much. Please don’t feel the need to say you return the feelings if you don’t.” 

“Poe…” Finn trailed off as Poe closed his eyes. He placed his hand on Poe’s hand and ran his fingers over the pilot’s knuckles. Everybody in the Resistance was always telling him about how Poe definitely had feelings for him but Finn never believed it and dismissed their remarks as silly rumors that they made up out of boredom, although he always wished that those remarks could be true. But they were right; Poe truly loved him.

“Finn, please don’t hate me. I understand if you need space or don’t want to be the co-general anymore because I know this is out of the blue and you probably don’t feel the same way but I just need to let you know.” A tear slid down Poe’s cheek. His eyes were shut tightly as if he didn’t want to open them to see Finn’s reaction. 

“Poe, open your eyes please,” Finn requested carefully as he continued to run his fingers across Poe’s knuckles. Poe obeyed his request, opening his watery eyes slowly. Placing his free hand on Poe’s cheek and wiping away the tear that left a wet mark on his cheek, Finn said, “I love you too.” 

Hope bubbled in Poe’s voice as he asked, “You do?”

Laughing lightheartedly, Finn shifted a little closer to Poe. “Of course I do. You’re so kind and selfless. It’s almost impossible not to fall in love with you.” 

Poe’s voice sounded as fragile as a veil of mist on a cloudy morning when he leaned closer to Finn and whispered, “Can I kiss you?” 

Finn nodded and leaned in, his lips meeting Poe’s. Finn had never felt more alive and at peace than at that moment. That kiss was the best kiss Finn had ever had in his entire life and it seemed like Poe enjoyed it too because he continued to kiss Finn and wrapped his uninjured arm around Finn’s shoulder, bringing him closer as they kissed under the stars.

Later that night, as Poe lay under the blankets with Finn in his arms, Poe’s fears all dissolved because the found family that Poe had fought for was safe now that the First Order was gone. There was still much more work to be done but for now, Poe closed his eyes and slept to the sound of the heartbeat of the man he loved. 

~

Finn wanted Leia back. He missed her dearly and more importantly, he wanted her back so she could tell him how she was able to handle being a co-general. Although Finn was able to share some of the responsibility with Poe since they both held the position of co-general, he was still struggling to manage; Leia was the only co-general of the Resistance and she seemed to manage perfectly fine. Finn had no clue how she was able to handle everything by herself.

Especially for Finn, taking on the role of the co-general was difficult when everybody in the galaxy had heard of his story before. At first, he thought that most would assume that he was a nobody; instead, at every conference with politicians from all different corners of the galaxy, the fact that Finn used to be a stormtrooper was brought up at least once. 

Sometimes, people praised him for leaving the First Order while others were skeptical and convinced that Finn was still a First Order Sympathizer. Usually, Finn offered no reaction to either response as he tried to ensure that he was strictly business during meetings. He didn’t really like talking about his past, mainly because he never really had to think about his past; after all, he had been too busy fighting during the past few years to have the time to sit down and think about his entire life story. 

Although Finn got used to the mentioning of his past, it still bothered him that people went out of their way to point it out. One night, Finn wasn’t able to sleep and found himself staring up at the ceiling of his room that he shared with Poe at the new base. There were still distant sounds of late-night conversations but for the most part, the base was quiet and quiet meant that Finn had space to think.

He yanked his blankets up to his chin and turned in his bed, hoping he would soon fall asleep to the dull drone of anxious thoughts. Did people always feel the need to bring up his past because they thought that he was an incompetent co-general? Maybe the people who were suspicious of him were right; maybe he had been programmed and trained by the First Order to be destructive no matter how hard he tried to change.

As Finn thought up a storm, the door to his room creaked open and Poe crept in quietly. The pilot had been out all night doing repairs on his X-Wing since he was too busy with general-related duties all day. Finn squeezed his eyes shut, willing himself to stop thinking and fall asleep before Poe could notice that he was awake. He listened as his boyfriend changed and tried to even out his breathing to appear to be asleep.

Poe, who knew Finn too well, saw through his act when he got into bed, nestling next to Finn. He snaked an arm around Finn’s waist, pressed a small kiss on the back of Finn’s neck, and whispered, “Hey buddy, why are you up?”

“Just thinking,” Finn replied dismissively, even though he knew that his vague answer wouldn’t satisfy Poe. 

“Want to talk about it?” Poe murmured as he nestled closer to Finn and pressed another soft kiss on Finn’s shoulder. 

Finn sighed and as much as he wanted to decline Poe’s offer, he had a feeling that he wouldn’t be able to hold in his feelings forever. “I’ve just been thinking a lot about the whole ‘stormtrooper turned Resistance co-general’ thing. A lot of people don’t trust an ex-stormtrooper to lead the Resistance and I get it. It just bothers me that I don’t get a chance to re-do my past so people don’t think I’m going to turn the Resistance into the next First Order.”

“Finn, look at me.” Finn turned around so he was facing Poe. Poe gently placed a hand on Finn’s cheek, his eyes searching Finn’s as he whispered with determination, “Finn, the First Order is responsible for your past but you are responsible for your future. You are one of the most loyal people I know and you are a great leader. You fight for what you believe in and that’s what matters the most. Don’t let other people get to you.” 

“Thank you, Poe.” Finn managed a small smile. He was glad he had Poe to support him. Moonlight from the small window in the room shone down upon Finn and Poe, casting a silver veil on their bodies. 

“I love you too. You’re going to show those idiots that they don’t know what they’re talking about,” Poe chuckled, kissing Finn on the lips before scooting closer to him. He sounded sleepy as he mumbled, “Good night.” 

Finn pressed a kiss on Poe’s forehead and whispered back, “Good night.”

Only when Poe fell asleep did Finn attempt to do the same. Poe’s words had really helped him. When Finn fell asleep, there was a smile on his face because he knew that FN-2187 was gone forever. There was only Finn left and that would forever be more than enough. 

~

Rey never thought about her future when she was on Jakku. All her life, Rey wanted her family to find her and thought she would remain on Jakku for most of her life. She never, in a million, years thought she would be saving the galaxy. And she never thought she would be able to fly Poe Dameron’s X-wing. 

“When you get back, I don’t want to see a single scratch on her, got it?” Poe asked, sounding like a distressed mother sending her child off to daycare for the first time. He trusted Rey with his life but he had a hard time trusting anyone, even Rey, with flying Black One. But, Poe was feeling particularly nice yesterday and promised Rey that she could fly his X-wing. 

“Stop worrying, General Dameron. I promise Black One will come back in the same state she left in,” Rey quipped as she climbed up the ladder and got into the cockpit. She placed her helmet on her head and started pressing buttons to start up the ship. Feeling glee bubble up, Rey grinned with joy while she fastened the seatbelt. 

“BB-8, keep an eye on her, okay?” Poe called when he saw his droid roll under the X-wing. BB-8 gave an affirmative beep before he was lifted into his position behind the cockpit. Rey continued to flip switches and the X-wing came alive.

“Relax, Dameron. Finn, keep him busy so he doesn’t pass out from stressing so much,” Rey yelled over the sound of the engine starting up. She closed the cockpit and pressed a few more controls. Poe had insisted on giving her a detailed tour with very specific instructions on how to operate an X-wing properly and Rey hadn’t listened at all because she was so giddy about flying Poe’s X-wing. She had flown Luke’s old X-wing to Exegol so she probably would be able to fly Poe’s. 

“What do you mean-?” Poe’s yell was cut off when Finn surprised him by sneaking up behind him and wrapping his arms around Poe’s waist. Poe turned around and before he could speak, Finn kissed him on the lips. Distracted, Poe deepened the kiss by wrapping his arms around Finn’s neck and parting his lips. 

Finn pulled away briefly to wave at Rey, who had finally started navigating the X-wing out of the hangar. “I got it, Rey! Have fun!” 

Rey gave him a thumbs up before she focused on the controls of the X-wing. It was simple to navigate the X-wing onto the runway but as she started speeding up for take-off, Rey realized that Luke’s X-wing much older and easier to control than Poe’s. Still, she pressed some buttons and accelerated forward, hoping that she didn’t just initiate self-destruct during her frenzy of button-pressing. Rey was pushed back into the pilot’s chair as the X-wing left the ground and began soaring upwards. 

Her hands held tightly onto the navigation lever as the X-wing flew above the clouds and headed towards the atmosphere. She forced herself to keep her eyes open so she wouldn’t accidentally press anything and send the plane crashing down. To Rey’s luck, the X-wing passed through the atmosphere much more smoothly than she expected. She continued to fly farther away from the planet and further into the expanse of stars in the galaxy. After a few minutes of flying peacefully, Rey flipped a few switches and the X-wing began drifting through space without her control. 

Blowing out a breath of relief that she didn’t ruin Poe’s X-wing within the first five minutes of flying it, Rey took off her helmet and unbuckled her seatbelt to make herself comfortable. Rey drew her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around both knees as she watched stars pass above her head through the window of the cockpit. Even though Rey had escaped from Jakku years ago, she never had a chance to truly enjoy space. The few times she had flown hardly counted as getting to experience the beauty of the galaxy because she was too busy trying to not get killed to enjoy the view. 

Rey felt a smile spread across her face as she admired the thousands of stars in space. The stars had been beautiful when she looked up at them during the night but they were even more stunning when she was among them. There were thousands of stars in the galaxy along with dozens of tiny planets scattered in the distance and it was the most breathtaking sight Rey had ever seen. She felt tears well up in her eyes when she recognized the feeling rising in her chest: hope. 

Ever since the war ended, Rey had only thought about how many lives had been lost and as she admired the stars, Rey realized that these stars represented the new lives that would be created after the war. In the future, people wouldn’t grow up in a world riddled with violence and chaos and the galaxy would, one day, have no trace of the First Order left. She wiped away the tears on her cheeks, smiling a little bit when she noted how happy she was. 

BB-8 beeped through the intercom and reminded her that she had to head back now. Reluctantly, Rey buckled up again and put her helmet on before flying back down to the planet. When she returned to the hangar, Rey got out of the cockpit and nearly fell off the ladder as she wasn’t used to the gravity. BB-8, who was already on the ground, rolled up next to Rey as Finn and Poe walked towards the two. 

“So, how’d you like it?” Finn asked at the same time that Poe asked “Is my ship okay?”. 

Rey laughed and hugged her two friends tightly. Her smile widened when she replied, “It was amazing. And Poe, your ship is completely fine.” 

As the trio walked away from the hangar with BB-8 following closely behind, Rey knew that no matter what the future holds for her, Finn, and Poe, they would always have one another.

**Author's Note:**

> come chat with me about finnpoe and star wars on twitter[@luckysam78](https://twitter.com/luckysam78)! or, if you want, head over to my [tumblr](https://luckysam78.tumblr.com/)!  
> to check out my works for other fandoms!


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